Picking myself up n taking a break

Life has been interesting and with emotions and hormones in the way it makes life a roller coaster - maybe that's y I'm so afraid of heights.
My voice has gotten worse. I can sing high notes but my breaking notes r getting worse. I love singing but I get so afraid of pure silence. I still have to work on that. Maybe I'm ment to NOT sing. Maybe I'm ment to play the piano and sing. Maybe I'm ment to do something else. I just love singing which brings me to another world. I need training. I really do and I guess it's time to get bck to my jazz singing next semester.
I've been having an interesting 1 and a half year which some of you might know and I know it's time to clean up my act and let go of my bad habit. It's seriously hard. I haven't had a drink for a month now until today and I just feel like drinking more. Pain killers? They seem to be the only way out but I have to constantly remember how much I hate them considering dad kept on pushing medicine dwn my throat(not literally) since I was young. A few other bad habits which I've been fighting with myself to stop. It's not as easy as I thought.
Anyways, it's high time I start memorizing songs so that when I'm ask to sing, I can sing anything on top of my head instead of struggling.
I can't wait for tomorrow most of the time. I can't wait to see what life may surprise me in. =) Most of the time I tend to look into my future but I guess cheating is no fun although it helps me cope with life better.