The week

Is as it is. No motivation to study. Have i mentioned it. Hardly studied this week even though it's study break. Felt kinda miserable and frustrated all at the same time and to make things better I'm not the only one feeling this way.
This week was last week of piano lesson. Funny thing was the 1st few weeks of semester, piano teacher was saying "From the rate you are going with your piano playing, ur going to fail. Not implying you will fail but from how you have been playing." Now that hurted me to the bone. I got striked directly at the heart. But this week she suddenly said "Good....Good work. With this rate, ur going to do very well in you playing. I'm happy for you. Keep up the work." I got kinda surprised but broke the awkward silence by asking her about one of the pieces and stuff.
Nose bled badly this week. Fingers hurt tremendously. Bad sore throat. Headache once in awhile. Stomachache as well but that's because I seem to be skipping meals. Painful eyes - i think my eye degree went down so been switching between my glasses and contact lens.

I've been trying to be strong for my sake. Having ppl feeling down makes me act as a strong character trying to make life easier for them. Then I realize I help ppl too much to even help myself with my own troubles.
I maybe happy or seem happy but there is sumthing. Sumthing deep down bothering me which I haven the slightest clue.
I tend to hold back alot with alot of things which makes certain ppl frustrated of me which makes me feel kinda guilty. That's how I am. I suppose so that it's easier for me to run away from problems which I'm so fondly of doing. *sigh* I'm so tried of pretending and holding back but it's become a habit.
PLEASE DON'T be angry at me or around me. DON'T raise your voice(angrily) or start repeating in anger. I had that today which brought me down low. Had a good day when the anger came to me like a knife on my throat. Headache started sturring and felt like jumping out of the car. Felt like screaming. Felt like i needed a hug to protect me from the angry voices. Made me pray, hoped and wished more.

Coming bck to God. Praying more though still not long enough. Feels strange coz I feel like I'm going bck to the past but being pulled into another dimension which felt like a nightmare coming. It was really weird coz I start imaginating things and feel like a 7year old again. I thank God and talk to him once in awhile but the feeling is different from what it used to be. Hving bargains with God is what I've been having for a few years now and it works out well....
Oh wellzz......
Hopefully exams will turn out great.
Maybe I need to draw again to gain motivation to study...