Happy Birthday Lorraine

I'm 23. Finally... But I'm not happy about it. I'm not a fan of birthdays. Since high school it has been an issue. I've ALWAYS ended up with tears or sadness either my birthday being ruined by siblings or the unhappiness of parents towards you or friends and close frens forgetting making you feel so invisible and worthless.
I've hated going for bday parties as well. I would ALWAYS make up an excuse to not go coz it just makes me feel more depressed. But this year or last, I've decided to just have fun. If your fren is happy and everyone enjoys themselves, then why not me? I've been to a few bday parties for the last month. I'm exhausted from all of it but I only go for parties if I'm personally invited and not invited by mass invitation.
The last bday party i went too was fun coz my close frens from uni were all there. It was 1 of my close fren's bday party and she consistently invited me. Even got me to do a speech which I ended up footing in more then the other 2 which I did it with.
Birthdays CAN be fun no doubt =) but it just doesn't work out for me. I never get what I want for my birthdays and I ALWAYS end my day with a *sigh*. I went to bed at 0130am on my bday with a headache. On midnite no one contacted me to wish me which was sad but i made do with it. They only started greeting me at 2am aussie time. But I woke up with a call from a frens whom I haven't heard from for ages which was touching =) Mum got me a leaf necklace and ear rings and the pendant broke after a few minutes of wearing it. No cakes or presents from anyone else. Other friends forget unless they are ALWAYS on facebook. I even appear 'offline' on msn so that I won't get cheap messages from frens. You have to know who are your real n good frens. Those who put effort for you which means you are worth the friendship.
Other then that, got pissed off by a bunch of gals from malaysia at our malaysian meeting, felt like shit at the meeting, had to carry bck 2 huge boxes of chocs to sell for the malaysian dinner and a few times today my stupid tears just had to flow down. That was how sad I was.
But tonight I got an unexpected call from a fren whom I have been wanting to hear from for awhile =) which made me smile. I wanted to see him but I'm in such a bad mood I could cry or bite off his head so I had to say no.
I wanted to go jazz lounge or something which was something I've been meaning to do since I got into syd but i don't know where to go and with this mood I'll end up drinking heaps which isn't good since I'm traveling by myself. I wanted to go to the zoo during the day somethings which i was meaning to do since i got into syd as well but coz of the malaysian meeting I didn't. And I wanted to go to the cinema to catch a movie and the bar to have a drop of alcohol for myself celebrating my bday with my alcohol =) but even that I couldn't coz i had 2 heavy choc boxes to carry around.
*sigh*
Anyways,.... Happy birthday lorraine deary....