Hell
I thought everything was different. I thought things changed.
Yes it did but for the worse in most ways.
I don't wanna cry any more. I don't wanna feel the hurt.
I wanna hug. I want encouragement. I wanna feel important.
I wanna leave the house. I wanna be happy.
I don't wanna kill more brain cells or have a weak memory juz because of the negativity.
I need to get out of this place asap.
Now I'm starting to think more then twice whether I wanna come bck at the end of the year.
I hate this place so much. I hate everything here.
Changes?
Brother apologizes for getting me scolded by mum. I'm purely innocent. Siblings seem to be listening more to me now. Church? Sucks as before. Same as the youth and young adults class. I don't even know why I bother doing anything.
Piano? Was playing in church and felt connected with the piano. 1st time playing hymn songs in months. Felt good and more confident playing the piano. There were a few new ppl that complimented my playing but I dunno if it's juz for the sake of saying it.
I can't wait to get bck to Aussie. I can't wait to get back to uni. I can't wait to get bck to my 3-4hours a day practising.
I need to get my mind of all this. Need to get away from home and relatives and anything connected to family or love. I need to drown myself in music so that I may no longer feel sad and horrible. I need to be as emotionless as possible to survive this painful journey....
posted by mya @ 1:03 am
4 comments
4 Comments:
You alright?Will pray for you...Take care...
It is natural for us to want the world and everybody else to revolve their lives around us. And we feel horrible because there is not way this is going to happen. I have learned to take myself out of the equation and think about others - what I can do to make other people's life a little better. I find that it is easier for me to make others happy than to want others to make me happy. It does take alot of sacrifice on my part initially be after a while, I get use to it. I am now a happier person because when others are happy, I am happy. Remember, we all love you even though it may not seem that way. Take care.
lol...
I used to think more about making other ppl happy instead of myself. As as u say artkwok, it does make me feel better. That's wat I've been doing. Trying to make ppl happy. I tried ppl the way I wanna be treated. That's how I've always been doing.
But soon I realize I need to start thinking of myself if i wanna go further...
You're okay. It just hurt me to see you unhappy. BTW I do not think it is wrong to think of ourselves. In fact, like you say, we will need to if we want to get anywhere in life. Just don't expect everyone to "revolve their lives around us." Smile!
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