dunno

*sigh*
Life....
So imperfect.
So depressing yet surpricing.
So innocent yet evil.

Sumtimes I wish the world would shut up.
Other times I wish it would speak.
Wish some people would leave me alone,
yet I want company.
Sumtimes I wish people would let me speak,
yet I hold myself back far too many times.
Wanting to be the centre of attention,
yet too afraid of failure.
Hoping to be the greatest,
yet chicken away from every spot light.

It's happening again... Those of you that know me for a long time may know my history of heart brokenness. It's so happening again. Wish it didn't. Wish it wouldn't but it's happening all over again everywhere i go.
Troubled frens makes my heart ache. Lonely me makes me wonder even more. Weird fans crowd me while hunks stay a distant. =) This is a life of a musician. A weird and confused 1.
No more falling in love. It's too painful and troublesome. No more missing anyone, it's hurting and disturbing. Will always miss those wonderful moments of the past though nightmares haunt me over and over again.
Fears clouds me. The pain is back. When will all these be over? I can't wait to start working.
Day after day and night after night i hope yet refuse to accept those who love me and care for me deeply. Those who were always there for me in troubled moments and lonely arias.
No more thinking for me. Not ever since last year or the year before. It's too painful to think through things. It's too confusing to think about myself.
If everyone could read everyone's mind, everyone would hate everyone. It's a perfectly good theory. We hide our sinful thoughts from frens and hide our true feelings. Not many people know me from my outside. If you see through my mask then you're an amazing person. Very few has seen through my mask. Seen through touching my feelings and pain I've gone through. How many times I wish my past wouldn't haunt me. How many times I wish I was a different person altogether. How many times I wish I was brilliant.....