Roller coaster ride

That's how my life has been. A major drastic ride if you ask me. I could be really happy and cheery and the next moment I feel so terrible that I'm really to give up my life.
I'm always hoping and wishing for something, yet fearing and worrying about other things. I think to much and I'm been hurt far too many times. There are so many times I seem to find myself easily losing my mind. It seems to get worse. The more arguements I get, the more negativeness I'm around, the more I tend to lose my mind. I can't seem to control myself. Thank goodness I don't end up attacking anyone or hurting anyone or maybe running around like a mad person. But I could definately feel it coming. And that scares me alot.
Have a few wonderful friends here. Being around me, calling me up to make sure I'm doing ok and trying to make me feel better. It makes life easier for me in that sense. It makes me feel pleasent and happy (= love that feeling.
Problem?
-->> Health. It's going down real bad again. Coughing like shit and I seem to be getting my chest pains again. I don't think anyone knows about the chest pains but sometimes I'd rather not let them know about it although I would just like to take it off my chest.
-->> Thinking about a few ppl. As always. Thinking if I've done the right thing in life. And definately trying to figure myself out. I can't even make decisions these days.

Will be singing in public again once I reach home. And this time it's not a church group. It will actually be around ppl I don't know. Scary but I hope I don't die on stage in shock. I hate it when that happens coz it makes me feel like I do better during rehearsals then the real thing which is shit coz then publicity is bad for me... lol... ;p
Fingers crossed for that one.