Music me?

Been through alot which not everyone knows. I haven't written any music since September last year. And now I'm just scared to write music. I seem to fear music and fear writing or playing it. I love music and it DOES calm me down but somehow I fear it so much I seem to cut myself off music at any angle. I'm not in my Russian Orchestra anymore, I've stopped 2 of my choirs, haven't played piano in church and haven't practice much either.
Even being in a rock band, I was suppose to be writing songs to play with the band (not my songs though). But I just can't find the heart to write anymore.
Was listening to P!nk music and I must say alot of ppl judge her incorrectly. I've always thought she was a sick ass punk but looking at her video and lyrics, she's singing her thoughts out in a nice way trying to encourage ppl to better themselves.