Not wat was suppose to happen...

Today i feel sorta crappy... And i'm not talking about my dog here....
Had a meeting wif half the leaders and it seems tat things didn't seem the way it should go... I was suppose to scream at them but some how i had no mood..I didn't say all which i wanted to say coz i got nervous and forgot wat was suppose to be said... But other wise it went sorta well i must say.... Was suprise they knew bout my resignition.But wat the heck...
I don't seem to care about anything anymore.I don't seem to see the light of things any more...I'm always lost in thoughts or in my own little world. *sigh*
I sigh day in and day out just hoping for a miracle to happen... Hoping to see a silver lining through the clouds but none appears...
I seem just awful... don really know wat to do wif my life for now...
I'm having my attacks again... My chest pain attacks...Sometimes it happens wen i breathe....This really sucks but i dunno la... I just hate it... I'm not letting my parens knoe bout it coz they seem to be using anything or rather everything against me.So i'm just treating myself wif medication.But tis time i feel worse coz i'm feelin all alone.Last year at least hav my room mate and my music gang.....
Treating ppl nicely...Don't u just hate it.Everytime i treat ppl nicely they eaither give me cold shoulders or i get kicked around..But wen i'm nasty,ppl treat me nice which makes me feel awful... So wat do ppl actually want...I dunno la... I just sumtimes feel sick of being nice but on the other hand guilty coz i'm not...
I'm really losing my mind aren't i...Can't think straight or do much.... My mind keeps wonderin off....
I just need something or rather someone to keep me to the real world.Mite 1 day lose it man....