Music me??

Sometimes I look at myself as a better musician then musicians already working or rather phD holders in terms of music. And sometimes I look at myself thinking I'm not the best and not any better. Contradicting I know but what can i say.
I'm not a perfect pitch though I wish I were. I can easily identify flat or sharp notes in a music piece or recording. I can pick out a mistake. I can learn a piece in a short period and memorize pieces but I can't seem to play confidently in front of people. I can't seem to remember facts like history or information in music studies.
In orchestra in Saturday, I went early and was there for the children's orchestra. The conductor was playing the piano and conducting at the same time which was really disturbing for me. He's currently doing his phD at the con. So I volunteered to help play the piano at which I did though I wasn't confident. Played and it was suprisingly ok. Then at the adults orchestra during tuning, everyone says the tunning is ok but to me, my ears are disturbed with the instruments still not in tune. Talk about timing as well. Alot of ppl tend to call themselves musicians but I don't see anything in it. They maybe good in the study part instead of the playing part. And as for the playing part, they practise for hours and hours which leads to an alright playing. Some can't even understand the simple music theory stuff which we do in grade 3-5. Students with good memory benefit alot which is just so unfair.
At the con, I'm put into classes of student above average which makes me feel stupid and horrible about my results. It's like most the students getting better results then me. Some copy assignments and exams and they score higher then me which makes me feel frustrated. Not to mention students who get distinctions complain they didn't get high distinction.
I was hoping to get a part scholarship but I suppose now all I need to concentrate on is getting my degree instead of scoring high results though it would be really nice.
Starting today, less internet. More music listening training, more practise, more music exercise..... No more free time. Only once a blue moon.... I need to feel brilliant and swell. I need to be on the peak of the hill(implying i can't reach the peak of the mountain).....