baby funeral

Last week a church member from Ashfield brought her newly borned son to church. He was so adorable and had heaps of hair. But somehow i felt like something was wrong and I was surprised they were even out of hospital. It has only been 2 weeks since he was born. But I thought it maybe just me - nothings perfect....
But only this wednesday did i receive the news that he past away. Due to liver failure. It got me speechless. And the funeral was today. He's only been alive for 16 days. I decided to go and pay my respect. After all, some of the church members were sweet enough to come over to my uncle's funeral.
In church, it felt weird with all the sad faces. Usually Ashfield was full of smiles and love. There was still love but everyone's mind wasn't there. Being there, I immediately knew how it felt. How? I don't know. I find myself in a split second in the mother's shoes. I felt my heart torn apart after being at labor and recovering from that episode (she gave birth at home. ambulance didn't reach her in time). What joy they had of a new born child in their family. The excitement.. the future plans they had. Now all swept away in a blink of an eye.
We went to the same cemetery where my uncle was buried. And were we ever so lost. This cemetery is the 1 of the biggest cemeteries in the world. Throughout the whole service, somehow I felt myself in such pain, tears just kept flowing. I can't handle funerals and death. Such love of these people really touches my heart at the same time feels wounded envying the love they have with each other. When they brought the casket in, I felt weak on my feet and nearly blanked out. Can't describe it.
I hate funerals. Everyone's so sad, hurt and in tears. Makes me wish that it was me there instead of them. They would be able to make a difference in the world. They have more things to see and smile upon. *sigh* But I'm glad I went. Being apart of the family of God, it makes me connected to God again. It feels like I found the 1st step up to God. Last week I found the ladder and this week I found courage to climb the 1st step.