Well, another week in depression.. I think I've found the cause of it.. Or maybe my frens the 1 that helped me find it.... I suppose I'm so concern in making my parents proud of me and being the perfect daughter just makes me feel pressured... I always seem to think that I fail to be the daughter they want..... In a way, I suppose it really makes me worry... Dunnola...
Yesterday we had a special mother's day program in church.. It erally made me cry to think that I can't spend mother's day with my mum... All those good memories about me and mum all started coming back... I started thinking of all the times when I was really sick were my mum was always there... or the time when I nearly died as a child... It really touches my heart to think that some1 actually cares for me..... I suppose she's just trying to be the perfect mum... :) It was really hurtful yesterday.. I mean, everyone was talking loneliness and death of close frens pluss the sermon yesterday was on home... I really didn't feel like being in church that time.. IO just felt like being in my room and not see anyone at all.... Well, I was on duty yesterday in church in playing the piano for divine service... It was like my hands did't wanna work with me.. During potluck, this old man came up to me and was asking me what song I was playing before the service started... I was like.."huh???" :) He then told me that the song was like very nice and the way I played really gave him insperation.... (like go figure that out) Well, that actually gave me a shock to think that I can actually give ppl insperation through my musci playing... That wasn't the only time I was being told that actually.... hehe... I suppose that means my feild IS actually in music..... :)
That night... okla.... last night me and a few frens went out ... We have planned in going out together for a tremendously long time and finally we did.. But the problem is that I didn't feel like going out with them. Esp when I wasn't in a very good mood.. I suppose u can call it depression bomb. But I finally wen cause Li Yien said that if I'm not to coem then she won't go too.. It was like I was spoiling everybodies night so I decided to go.... I was sortta quiet and crazy(like that happens when it's pass midnight for me or I'm not in a good mood). Dunnola... In my state last night.. .I just didn't feel like fooling around. I was practically pretending the whole night that I was ok though I suppose Wendy told the guys that I was in depression..... Oh What the heck.. I mean what am I to do esp when I'm only human....
I called mum alst night to give her an early mother's Day greetings and mother's day present.. I just hope she liked the present I got for her.... My bro said that she has put it on her phone already... :) That made me feel a bit better to know that my mum is happy... I thank God for that... I was darn worried.... I just hope today my sibling wouldn't make it hard for my mum tonight.. I heard from my youngest bro this morning that my sis woke up 2 this morning to make jelly for my mum... :) I suppose she learns it all from me.. After all, every year I would ask her help in following me get stuff to make for mum for breakfast on mother's day...... :)
I suppose I'll just have to take things easy... I won'e wanna stress myself too much.. Esp when it's close to exam period.....