I'm serious but..

But i think my life is really ending soon... I'm serious about this.... I've never mentioned it before but then... Well, the thing is that I never can see and never could feel what my future would be.It's as if I would never make it to the future.I just can't see myself in the future.It's as if I would never make it there..I'm not crazy or anything but my sences are normally right and if this is so then..... well... I'll just have to wait.. Esp with my attacks which has been already quite frequent.I just dunno wat to think.I just can't see myself having a job, having a husband, having kids, having seeing my family grow, goin to frens weddings and things like that.. It's as if I could just go anytime... I mean I did died or rather nearly died twice..... Maybe God gave me a chance to live and see the meaning of life... I understnad more about life.I understand ppl more, I forgive easily, I care for ppl's needs, I worry wen anyone has a prob, I'm just someone different... I normally live life to it's fullest knowing that I could die any day or any hour or any minute.... This may sound crazy but thats wats on my mind...
The last serious attack was on wed night.Around midnight.That time I was all alone in my room.Li Yien and Wendy went out yam cha for amost 2 hours pluss and my house mates couldn't hear me coz they were watching a movie in the room.That night not only could i not breathe and my chest hurt but then, i was cold and practically shivering.I couldn't talk... Ok ok.. I could but it took alot of energy to do so.I was so scared and alone, I didn't know wat to do.Tried contacting my cuz who's a doc in kl but he neer replied til next mornin....So the only option was to go hospital even though my dad would kill me for doin so..As I was about to open the main door,there was a n knock.And behold, my 2 buddies were there... When they saw me, the were like "Y,wats wrong"... At that time I couldn't really talk to all i did was showed my shaking hands and the rest they knew... Next moment, my roomate just came back.Next thing I knew it I was in the hospital with 1 of the worse services being given to me....But then they still charge me without giving anything or even helpin me out..
Am now back home.... *sniff* ... I can't go near dogs or animals for that case.... That means my dream of becomin a vet is all gone....Which leaves me 2 option... Architecture or performing arts.... My parents haven said anything about that so may I could at least do performing arts... Yeah!!! :) Then again, my dream of studyin in UK wouldn't happen I suppose... I think the next place where I'll be at is at Australia next year where everbody is though I just wanna go to a different place and be...well.... different...
I've learned alot being in kl... Maybe thats wat God has lead me.To actually great frens like u all and to open up and see what life really is... Maybe I was ment to find out the hard way that science IS just not for me and that there are other things i could do make make a difference in ppl's life..... Maybe.. just maybe this was all planned out... Even my illness and my health.. There's always a meaning to everything... Be it failing exams,being dumped, losing a fren,losing ur life or losing a loved 1...I just dunno wat to say about wat God has on mind... Staying faithful may also be a prob....But i do try... I wouldn't wanna be lost again without GOd... Next thing I know it I'd the the 1 jumping off a buildin or sum thing..lol... coi.coi.coi.... :P
Anyways... I suppose now all I have to do is finish up my alevels and continue life as it is....Hope my parents don c this... :P they would think i'm phyco... :)
Well, till next time I suppose.... :)