Burden

Haven been blogging.Mainly coz I realise I shouldn't be talking to a screen.Need to be talking to a person to feel better.
Sabbath I went to this youth Rally.A speaker was talking about Mask.About the kinda mask ppl wear.It actually gotten me to cry that day.Not because it was a really touching sensative sermon but it made me realise things.After he ended his sermon,I felt my eyes going watery.Seeing happy ppl around me made me think of the happy past and how happy i was to see happiness around me.Though I was again lonely,i hold back my tears considering I was in public.1 friendly guy came over and talk to me and that I was eternity grateful.He's doing 2nd year in Avondale.I think his name was Luke from West Aussie.Or I maybe wrong.
In the car on the way back,eyes started watering again.I felt tears.I dunno but that day I cried without knowing the reason for it.The family in the car were really loving and encouraging.Really made me cry and wish I had that atmosphere.Was quiet the whole journey.Didn't what to cry in the car.
That evening while practising my piano,tears started flowing down my cheeks and it continue flowing for a couple of minutes(still playing the piano) until I forced myself to stop.Aunt didn't notice anything...
I don't miss home.In fact I don't even think about home.Rarely I think of my dogs too considering how much I love them.Miss the happy moments in the past but I don't look back at things.I'm still by myself in uni.I spend my free time practising in the practise room.If not I'll be hanging around the China fella(he just broke off with his gal so was being kinda a supporting fren).Supporting a friend sorta made me feel like me again.But then I feel like I need someone physically to be with me supporting me instead.I feel like I've been wearing this mask all these years.Hiding my pain.Hiding my fear.Hiding my deepest thoughts.Though some of you out there are really encouraging and supportive,it's kinda difficult when you all are far away in distance.
Something is definately bothering me but I haven the clue.Been feeling like this since the beginning of the year.I really need to pick myself back up again to do well in this really very competative world...I need to get back on my 2 feet again.Been keeping myself super busy until I have hardly the time to rest.Haven had enough sleep.But at least I don't feel so lost in classes though I still have a few things the understand and remember.Gotta get that problem done before more tutorials and materials come my way.Hard to get ppl to help me here.They all very kiasu when it comes to studies....