Dead

That's how I feel.I've no positive emotions.I don't feel excited,happy or anything at all.The only thing I feel is nervousness and fear.I'm not depress nor am I sad for that matter.Normal ppl living in my shoes right now would be bored to death or screaming their heads off to get outta house.As for me?I don't feel that way.In fact I didn't even realize it's the only place i am aside from uni.It's not like I'm eegerly waiting for a phone call or a messege from anyone here.I'm not even willing to make new friends with a little effort.Something wrong with me? I dunno.Is there?

Wednesday.
Hate it.Why?
1. have to wake up super early
2. have to get packed like sardines in the train
3. got concert practise(stage fright)
4. have to bring alot of books
5. No break for the whole day
6. Piano lesson(I play worse then my practise)
7. Come home tired
8. End up cold considering don't eat during lunch

I worry so much that I didn't realise something.I'm special....
I was thinking the whole day while going through time.We had an international welcome thingy at noon.It made me realise the amount of international students they take in and I'm considered one of the lucky one.Overall in 1 intake there were only 7 international students in undergraduate outta hundreds of students.I'm amaze.Meaning I'm actually quite good and not as lousy as I thought I was.There are students that cudn't get into a Bachelor degree ending up doing diploma while I got in easily.I speak ok english comparatively to some or most of the international students.I can mix easily if I wanted too.Singing is ok,i just have to relax myself.Piano playing in public?Working on that though I notice my fingers start shaking and sweating badly.Simple, normal things I can figure out in a snap while most students stare at them blankly while on the other hand,before I could even think of an answer,those students answer those question pronto.I take care of myself ok.Tend to be careful with my words which is very good.I don't lose my temper.I run from it.
I look around me.Though I'm lonely,I don't actually feel lonely.I would have felt depressed and sad but now I'm ok with it.Would rather be alone then being annoyed by a person who'll hurt you or eventually will.
Fears?I have to face them.Mustn't take in negative words too seriously.To improve,face those negativity with strength.Though I'm not really good in taking in negativity,I'm willing to try and face them even though it'll make me hated by majority or make me look real bad.
Choir tmr.And I'm looking forward to it.Though I don't think ppl will be talking to me for 3 hours,I love singing in a group and making melodious music =)