I'm feeling terrible

In uni now waiting to get my timetable though the stupid server is totally slow.Had music lesson this morning and it was horrible.It didn't go well.Why?I didn't play well.In fact I played like a grade6.But the moment my teacher went out of the room,I played perfectly fine.This totally sucks.
I feel totally lousy now.Why didn't I just get married... ;p As if anyone would want a useless person like me.It's like I'm not good at anything.There are always a majority of ppl who are far better then me.It's like I'm totally foreign here.It's not like I can sms all I want or simply call someone.It's totally expensive.It's not like I have my doggies to make me smile,I'm staying with my aunt.It's not like I get encouragements,my other aunty is making me feel even worse.
I guess I'm nothing much to do but try to over come my fear.I can't seem to play as well as when I'm alone when somebody is sitting beside me.I wish I could solve that problem but I've been trying to overcome it for at least 10years.Not only that but I'm also worried about getting stage fright.Anyways I think I better be off now.I got alot of things to do and figure out.It's hard esp when I've nobody to help me out.
But then again there is this nice dean who HAS been helping me.Sad he's not teaching me.It would be far easier for me.Oh wells.gtg....
Till another sad day...