understanding more

Working in Swinburne university at Sarawak campus made me understand more about myself somehow. Talked to frens about frens. And to know ppl lie about me is something really sad. It's to know that they are not worth thinking about or maintaining. To know ppl not talking to you is to know that it's high time to forget about them as if they nvr existed in your life.
And I've been thinking so much about this 1 person which I do miss dearly but I find myself happy thinking of the memories we created together rather then sad and depress. We won't be hearing from each other until both of us are bck in syd but it seems to be fine with the both of us.
My music? Well, the longer I'm in Kuching, the deeper it goes down the drain. I have my inspiration mostly from 1 person and I get less inspired just being home here in Kuching. I have to force myself to write music which doesn't come out done at all.
Heard that I've been getting heaps of gigs in Sydney. I'm suppose to help my friend's friend's band by singing but I'm not in Syd. They have been begging me to come bck to Syd since their gigs are mostly in dec. The shitiest thing is that I'm in Malaysia.

Back to a place I'm suppose to call home

Sitting at the corner or Coffee Beans just to be able to use my laptop to get online. It absolutely feels weird being here. being back. Back to a place where I grew up. But it doesn't feel like home. Too much negative energy here. And the longer I'm here, the more I don't wanna do music. The more I feel myself as worthless. The more I feel trapped.
Currently sick with a block nose. I wish I could go back. Go back to my aussie home. Even though my dogs aren't there at least I have the hope of seeing my special someone. At least I can write music without being disturb. At least I have my own freedom. Although I don't have a car there yet.
I HATE Malaysia. Sorry to millions of you out there. I've tried to accept it as what it is. But there is too many shit here. Government hiding the truth from the ppl and the world. Ppl pretending they love music but are seriously just in it coz it's cool. Too many fakers, wannabes, clueless minds, sad losers, strict parents, stupid laws and rules which aren't followed, commercial shit and no experimental minds at all.
The longer I'm here the less my creativity in writing music diminishes. I use to be inspired by you but I won't be seeing you until I get bck to syd. *sigh* I just wanna get bck into my music. Something I love and live without.
I know I cannot be a somebody here no matter how much I tried. I know I can make it big in the states but I have to start in syd. I have to finish off syd then find ways of getting over to the states.
We'll see what happens to the future....
This will be interesting considering I dunno what's gonna happen next year onwards.