Saturday, September 24, 2005

conversation

The only conversation I really have these days r wif my music teacher.Like i say I don't talk tat much anymore.Only talk wen it's necessary.Funny but it's true.Tat's the only time i really talk n open up.I juz got to realize it wen was at violin lesson on fri.
Oh wells,I suppose music IS really sumthing for me.It's practically everything to me.NOthing can match it's wonderful magic.Lol..
Anyhows.I juz saw the 2nd Malaysian Idol finals.Kinda makes me feel like being on stage performing n showin my best.But problem is i stage fright even though I have been performing almost all my life I still have them.It's sumthing I'm tryin to over come.Oh wells.I suppose once I have more confident then performing wud be a piece of cake... =)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Bronchitis

*sigh*
Yup.... came bck from kl feeling happy n socially recharged but then again came home sick n miserable at the same time.I tot i had the flu but it turns out to be the out come of bronchitis.... the symptoms r smokers cough,phlem,tiredness n little feverish...And i have it all...These r all signs of chronic bronchitis.There's 2 kinds of bronchitis.Acute and chronic.. So there.... Cough so much tat wen i cough now my chest hurts.My sniffin has gone down but i still feel feverish n tired.But the thing is i do go joggin.3-5 times a week for 30min... with my doggy(Diana,the white furry dog)...heheh
But back to reality,I'm still stuck at home wif parens still shooting poison arrows at me.Nobody to call or contact.If got oso they all over-the-sea =( Frens do call me out or rather 1 or 2 of them but then they always contact me at the wrong time wen i have practises or wen it's juz not a good time for me to leave the house.
There's too much arguements in the house i tend to be very quiet.I only talk wen it's nessesary now.Even wen I'm out of the house.I can't help it.I wanna talk but the words juz don appear.Tat's bad consider my frens now think I'm shy or lost in space.But then again i go get lost in space.Wat the heck...
M juz waitin to go back to my study life wif frens n no parens around.Now tat wud be heaven-on-earth for me....

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

2nd accident

Was in an accident yesterday n wif my red RAV4 which juz got back frm the mechanic.Was half dreaming and the lady infront suddenly breaked.I break but it wasn't enough.The car jerked n it touched the Malay lady's Waja car.I was only going 50-60.It wasn't fast at all...Really got a shock.called my fren n sms another to check the price of knocking out a dented bumper.They din really answered my question so i payed the lady RM100 which was my pay for teaching this month.Oh wells.... I was scared at tat time.Scared the lady wud call her husband or male frens and scared of my parens reaction.But all went well.I settled it all by myself without fearing alot.After the whole senario,my parens sent the car for servicing and checked the breaks not forgetting replacing the tires I've been complaining about for months... Din really get it as much as i expected to.Thank goodness.
But overall I feel like I'm in a different world,different place.It's like I landed on a different place.My brother who hasn't been talking to me for years suddenly started talking to me again and we have conversations,parens are nicer to me,don't feel horrible no more,siblings are better to me but I'm sick with a flu,cough n little fever.Juz as I predicted.Tat my kl trip wud be the best n greatest but wasn't expecting to land on a different place.All i know is tat things wud be different now.Home wudn't be such a drag no more.Tats until after a few months later....

Sunday, September 11, 2005

bck frm happiness to misery n reality

Juz came back frm Kl.Like wat my dream predicted,i had a great time then from my previous trips there.This time it was really a holiday.But i found myself not talking to my frens more then i used too.And caught a cold,cough n fever in the end.Was sneezin the whole day yesterday.Totally not cool.
I find myself facing my fears but slowly.I find myself seeing n going through life blankly n blindly wif no feelings towards ppl like i use to.I find myself wanting sumone to actually express my deeper feelings.I find myself waiting for the worse to happen.
*sigh* I sigh walking pass every shop not able to get any suitable clothes.It's either they r too big,expensive(sales r over) or the s size has pen marks on it(maybe they purposely did tat so i can't have any clothes).So came bck sorta empty handed though not quite really.Got lotsa music stuff n a few clothes(though not much) n got my hair cut(it's short now n i hav those frinch).
Wat else can i say.My trip wasn't exactly really planned out but all wen well n tat I'm totally glad.Now I'm bck in jail feeling miserable frm the cold,cough,headache n slight fever and m starting to feel like wat i was before i wen to kl though it'll take sum time for tat feeling to reach tat level...(can't exactly remember how the horrible feeling felt juz know it's horrible)

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Delphic

Didn't actually go for all the days.Got to know Marco even better,He's a sweet and very inoccent fella.I went for the 2nd last nite(tue).Very interesting.I liked the story telling from south africa the most.Really funny n really nice wif music addition.Germany's was nice too but the only problem is tat i don understand it.It was being told in their mother language.The dances n music,Gemany n S.Africa won it. Paintings=Malaysia n S.Africa.Textile craft=germany n S.Africa.Photo=philipines. Film=Malaysia.Architecture=philipines.
Tats about it lo.Met my old class mate there.Very fun but sad la i missed the finale of the whole thing.... dunno how it was but heard it was very nice n interesting....

Monday, September 05, 2005

Wedding Bells

I thought it was only me but it seems tat the whole music yesterday din go smoothly.It was my worse performance ever.Felt like appologizin to the bride and groom.But then mum played messy too n the trumpet off key n singer off a little too.The wedding was sorta messy but i loved the setting though the artistic was bluek!!
The dinner made me silent as ever.There was the 'cousin's' table which made me miss my frens n cousins.Oh wat fun they had.I juz looked n smiled a little thinking of the fun times i've had before wif the laughter n giggles.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

II Delphic Games

It's sumthing like the olimphic games we have.It happens every 4 years.The only difference is tat it's not really games but rather culture, music n story telling they r compettin.The opening was on thu nite... I'll start tellin about it.

thu(1/9)
Fren called in the afternoon askin if i wanted to help out in the opening so we decided to skip choir.Letting go our RM15 n help out.I felt kinda left out sumtimes tat nite considerin I was hanging out wif my frens n her frens.The thing is they r all 10 years older then i.I seem to be hanging around much older ppl.We were kinda pushed around considerin we weren't the models there.N mind u they were really aneroxia ppl.I wud definately not gonna take up modelin if i'll turn up s skinny s them.N i don't think they even exercise.But the male models don't seem to have a problem wif their figure.Wonder wats up.My fren n I were eyein on a few guys there who r volunters there s well.I suppose they r all far older then i n younger then my fren.But wat harm in eyein ppl rite?Meet tis ang mo guy who came to msia looking for a wife.He was really a nice fella but considered old.He's 40-50 of age n owns a advertisin company or sumthing like tat.Tis guy wanted to take picture of us gals so he picked tis German guy to help take.This German guy(i'll call him G),he wanted to take pic together wif us instead wif his cam so the poor english guy(i'll call him E) he took picture for G.G then kept his cam then wanted to walk away.So E caught hold of G and ask him to take using E's cam.Then G came over to us putting his arms around us all wanted to take pic.Then E said he wanted G to take picture of himself wif us.So he finally did.After tat session a lady wif cool specs came.G told us tat it was his 'woman' then after tat he made tis face n said 'she's shit' or sumthing like tat... lol... tat was funny coz the lady then smacked him on the butt n told us tat she's his wife.So it was sumthin to laugh about i suppose.

fri(2/9)
We went late morning.My fren n I.Our goal was to get to know the ppl we have been eyeing.We went there n my fren seemed to be doin most the talkin so felt kinda bored.While she was talkin I went over the German display area to check out their stuff which was very interesting.They made designs on silk,dolls,shoes,decorations outa cotton,soap n water.It was really interestin.And the thing was i got to make my own flower.It was fun but sorta long to make it.Really cool.The lady was tellin me about usin the soap but she keep pronounsin it as soup.She said the cloth can't be washed coz then the whole thing wud fall apart.The soap keeps it stuck together.It was so cool the way she made it n stuff.I got to bring my flower back.Wished i cud do more of sumthing else but oh well.. Wen i was halfway makin my flower, my fren called me.I turned n smiled not knowin tat the fella we hav been eyein was in front of me.After realizin it i turned again n said hi to him.He juz stood there till i said hi..Oh well... was rather stupid... *shish* Was too into arts..heheh... Tats me.1st thing in life r animals.2nd is music n 3rd is art.After awhile i realized how stupid i was missin the chance of being able to speak to tat fella.But oh well.I suppose it's not ment to be or wat my fren said about still havin afew days. Today I got to really knoe a few german ppl.A guy name Marco n 2 gals name Katrina n errr.... I forgot the 3rd gals name.We help them search for sticks to hang their flag n flower pots to hold the sticks.Kinda interestin.Tat was about it i suppose.

sat(3/9)
Only went in the afternoon.Was suppose to go at nite s well helpin the Koreans in 1 of their dances or shows or watever they were doin but i had to be bck in church to help out the weddin which wud be tmr.We were rehearsin the weddin tonite n I'm 1 of the musician though i tot mum said I'd be playin the piano s well.Oh wells. The afternoon i came by myself n sorta lost Aline(my fren).Waited n tried to call her for an hour so in the end in gave up n went around the area.Met the german gals then went to India's display area.Talked to tis India fella who was kinda nice.Got to knoe India's incredible ink.Long story n i won't go there.After tat i walked around n met Molly(she works at the tourism area n is a really cool lady).I like her alot.Talked to her n followed her around till i got Aline's call.So waited for her finding out tat she has brought Marco to the butter chicken area i brought her the day before...lol.. pretty funny can't to think about it.Soon the butter chicken fella wud get alot of business.So anyways,we 3 spend the whole afternoon together.Catched the music performance by Africa(darn cool.loved it), India(sorry to say but didn't like it), Germany(din c the whole thing but was ok) n USA(liked it coz there was tis gal playin oboe).I wanted to play the oboe for along time.Gonna hav to talk to her before tis whole thing ends.Anyways,later on Aline had to go back 1st to take shower then eat dinner so i had to accompany Marco.We walked around talkin and stuff then we went n bought sandles for him at India street but most the time we were talkin so oh wells.He told me tat G is always funny n stuff.He was telling me alot of things s well s i to him.Tat was mainly it.After tat Aline came back n she send me home coz i had to be back by 7pm for the rehearsals...

Sunday there wud be nothing at all...Actually there's a fashion thingy but mostly msia so wat for... The whole day they don't have anything and i think nite time I'll be at the weddin dinner or watever.
M lookin forward to Monday even though I can only make it frm afternoon onwards.Wud be skippin practise again.Another RM15 flyin out the window.But getting to be part of the whole thing n observing it is no lose.After all since it's in Kuching I definately don't wanna miss tis oppotunity.Will tell more once later on.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Sucks

In general, life totally sucks.... Can't explain much coz don't think anyone wud wanna knoe.Too depressin to be readin it....