it was AWESOME!!!

Most of you are wondering about last night. It was AWWEEESOOMMEEE.. I've never had that much fun in my life. A few friends came which was cool. And I met heaps of ppl I have never met which was cool as well.
Wat I wore? jeans, black pointy shoes and a black top tied around my neck(something my parents would hate me wearing it).
Sound check was good. But there were a few kepo hands who adjusted the stuff which changed both the mic and my instruments making it buzz the whole way and making us feel like not performing. Many said my crowd was the least among the 4 bands but was the most supporting and were into the music. Maybe it's coz I'm like the only girl performer that night.
I dunno about recording the performance. Sound system was so chaotic that I didn't quite bother about recording. There were heaps of ppl taking pics of me thats for sure but I cudn't care less. Was just thinking about sound and singing. And as I've mentioned 'I won't dance' (1 of my songs). =) Although some guys were trying to get me drunk so that I'll start tap dancing (haven done that for 4 months now.
One more thing. I didn't answer my phone the whole night coz I know parents would definitely ruin it for me. So last night was a blast for me. I was sexy, confident and out there singing and ppl who love jazz and love music loved it..... Can't wait for more.
Even though parents hate it and say they ground me.....
check this out on 'i love jazz'. Great pics... got the same pics on this post.
http://www.redspot.com.my/pazuzu/

chill out at mojo

MOJO
30th january 2008
Ladies night

start 9pm onwards
3 bands
wide variation of music

It'll be fun (fingers crossed) =)
I'm still figuring out what to wear since most my cloths is in syd.
Hope to see you all there ;)

funeral

Yet another death in the family... my uncle(dad's brother in law). The family is the closest to us from my dads side. He had a heart attack climbing down the mountain with his friends. We all thought it was just a normal heart attack but he never recovered.
The thing is, he died the same time i wished for death (long story). I wished it soo hard, on somebody else. And it happened with my other uncles. The uncle in aussie I wished for death and last year around the same time I wished for death. And again I feel like it's my fault. Don't get me wrong, I know it's not my fault but it feels like it.
His children are less then 15 years old. I seriously dunno what to do or how to react. Wished it were me instead. His family is full of love.
When I heard this news I just felt like being with someone close(some of you know who). But I dunno what to expect when I do contact that person. *sigh*
I feel soo extremely lost. I just can't wait to sing and enjoy the music. It's high time I drown myself into lively music like jazz instead of my own music of deep emotion....

upcoming performances

Was asked to perform in jambu this tuesday but it's too soon. I don't have a solid band. My drummer left coz he injured himself so he can't play. My bassist got himself into some shit so he's laying low and my pianist has some family function or something. So I had to look all over again for players. In a way it's meeting new ppl so all's good.
I got a confirmation from mojo. Will be playing there on the 30th Jan with a few other band. 45 minutes. I think i'll ask to perform 1st. I still dunno what time they start. It's so exciting. But with all this I'm starting to wish I had a manager. It's heaps of work to contact ppl and make sure everything is good and stuff plus I don't like to talk about money. But for mojo now I got 2 bands. From all the asking around. I have my original 1st band with ppl who haven't played jazz but wanna try and really sound excited and I have another group with my friend(who studied in Berklee, Boston) and his friends. He's a good pianist so I trust him. Now I have to choose between 2 groups. I really dunno..... My new drummer is 14 year old guy my original bassist introduced. My bassist and pianist are my friends from church. Pianist is not too good with jazz but we'll see with the drummer on monday.
Fling sms me today. He still wants me to perform there but he hasn't been able to find a good sound system for me to sing. So we'll see.
I never thought they'll all call back. I was all ok with going bck to my boring life then suddenly everyone started calling me up. So it's all cool.
Today I performed in church. Last minute and I wasn't in the mood to sing coz it wasn't really serious. I recorded the performance. My voice has really improved but it's always the mic. The mic I was using wasn't good. There was a loose mic for me to use but it wasn't on or wasn't working so I used the one they used for preaching.
I just couldn't care less performing in church. Wat I really wanna do is sing outside and be myself. Improvising and having fun with a group who wants to play and have fun. Only now have I realized that it's hard to find ppl who really love music enough to try things out and just jam for fun....
*sigh* hmmm.....
so conclusion,
Mojo
30th Jan, wednesday night
Lady's night
=)

Racist

Since young it has always been a problem and I hated it. Why are most ppl racist? I have always wished since young that we were all one race. After all, we are all human and we came from the same god and fore fathers. Muslims came from Ismael and Issac was another.
I tried to fit in with the chinese, malays, natives but there always seem to be something said against another. And they say Malaysia was a harmonious country. That's full of bull sometimes. We tag a person by their race. Like black ppl or the natives or those malays who rule the country or the whites and chinese ppl.
All my life I've been surrounded by these problem yet I have the closest frens from every race although they aren't all in the same gang. There ARE nice ppl and there ARE ppl who'll use you. Everyone's different but most of us feel like it's easier to label them according to their race.
I guess it's impossible to live without racist. Without problem in this world, how can the world end sooner? What about Jesus' 2nd coming?

this terrible feeling

I haven't been able to sleep since thursday night. Actually since last week but after thursday it's been worse. I feel free yet I feel alone. Even though I know I can count on Lady D and dael, I still feel lost. It's like I'm missing a hug or missing a duet partner. I've stopped writing music since I was inspired to write once I got back here. I haven't touch my piano since the exam and I'm longing to sing my heart out and jazz up my life but nobody contacts me and my band members are pulling out. I have never even jammed with musicians and I'm a musician myself. How sad can that be?
Today's choir, I didn't have the mood to take over but I've promised to do so. I just wanna sing. If not alone then with someone but nobody wants to share my tune.
I so want to go to the states. I feel like that's where my calling is. I feel like I'll find ppl who'd want to finally jam and jazz with me. That finally I can sing out and ppl will look up to me. In aussie is where ppl noticed my voice without me knowing it but in kch it's like ppl says 'what the heck'. I don't hear ppl say anything about my voice here but I get random ppl comment about my voice overseas. Hard to believe but it's true.
Makes me sooo want to go back to aussie. Going to the states would make things more interesting. I can just picture my life there. It will definitely match up to my mind and standards.
I WANT TO SING SOO BADLY. I WANT TO JAM. I DON'T CARE WITH WHO. I JUST NEED TO JAMMM.....

KAY choir

ak Kuching Adventist Youth Choir

Today was the 1st I was given the power (by big boss) to lead the choir. It felt good. Teaching and making music. They sang in great harmony and the tone was breathe taking. It threw me off my shoes and got me speechless for once. It was like 'WOW!!!'. I was impressed and proud of the youth. I've coached heaps of ppl and they never seem to fail to give good results although not perfect. That's why I took music education in the 1st place.
I may not be able to memorize or remember things as my memory has been fading year after year whether anyone believes that but I do know tunes and the feeling and the touch of the world stays in memory.
Been asked to sing in church several times by different ppl. I can't wait for that to happen. The music of improvisation, voice and tune is the best thing I've ever found. Lyrics? That's why I'm doing jazz, you don't have to remember the words totally. As long as the music is in your skin.
Been looked down upon heaps of time but nothing is going to stop me from being nervous about performing and having the time of my life on stage.
As I was taught, the secret of performing is engaging yourself with your nerves and the spirit of music of the air. Just breathe the air of beat, rhythm and reach in to your inner self for inspiration.

Lowell (cont)

http://intrepidlywrong.blogspot.com
In detail about the accident. Look under the title 'Happy New Year'....

lowell, take care

He maybe my arse sickening idiot but he's still my brother no matter what. He should have been back by now but something happened on the way.
This all happened new year eve. He and friends were on the way to the airport to come home when some driver crashed into their van. That driver died and his friends had broken bones while his things and books were burnt. Lowell was unconscious before he contacted us informing that he won't be back home. He says he's ok. Only has back pain but I don't quite believe that part. I feel like there's more to it. That exact day I felt pain all of a sudden. I felt sick and my body especially my tummy and back hurt. Was wondering why suddenly I felt painful. I feel the same sense of feeling and connection I once had when someone close or someone I care for suffers. Scary but it's true. I just don't realize it until later on.
Although this guy bugs me and pisses me up and we have no conversation relationship at all, he is still the same blood and flesh as me and he IS my brother. Hope things will turn out well for those kids there in russia.