bored and lonely....

*sigh*
i just can't stand the pressure... am darn bored and darn lonely and darn confuse i suppose.... i just wanna hang out with someone..wanna talk to someone...wanna release stress.... Everytime i ask ppl out,they end up ffk-in me...I just can't stand it.Wen i wan ppl to talk to me no one does wen i don't wan then they all start disturbing me.Wen i wan someone to ring,no one rings wen wen I'm busy,everone calls.Wen i wanna go out no1 goes out wif me but wen i have plans,everyone asks me out.Y is the world just to *toot*
*sob**sob*
I dunno wat else to do..Li Yien go back Taiping already and no1 to hang out with or chat with during our study break...Some maybe wonderin y i don't ask my classmates,the thing is the will end up foolin around and wen i ask them for help they r just not willing to help...it's like wasting a hell lot of golden time isn't it?Dunno la..Am just waiting for the day i go back for a week though i don't think anyone would be making a big deal about my returnin..Sometimes i look forward of goin home to meet my frens esp the church youth but once i'm back it's like they all don't know me or they r busy or that they don't give a damn.I feel so ignored.such frens rite...? :p lol....
Anyways,1st time i was playin the piano in church where the songs wasn't hymns at all..It was all freaky considering the singers wasn't bothered about organizing the whole thing.Didn't actually practise together till i nearly blowed my top off...:p yup yup..I was sortta angry.Singers were Peter and Jack.But thanx God the whole thing sorta went well...I actually tape my playing...the whole thing wasn't bad.the only problem is that i keep speedin considerin I get nervous quite fast..:p and the thing is this 2 guys keep calling me Lorraine keys or rather Alicia keys..they made me sing and played...*donkey 'man'!!* lol.. but the thing is the mic couldn't reach me so they end up singing along...heheh...now that was funny.I still thought it was stupid to make it that way..Everytime i suggest something i always end up doin it.Well then,... :) lol.... Everytime i hear my recording i just feel like laughin my head off... :p I suppose there is always the 1st time :)
Now i just wish the older youth were back or near.Then i can actually hang out again with them...Really miss them all...esp Jin,Merv,Qing,Randy,Laura,Dan,Nila,Ger...... Those were the days man....Really fun time... I know there are some more youth but i just can't think of their names now....
Anyways i guess i better be goin now...Suppose to be doing maths...
3 papers done and still got 8 more to go....2 more to go before i get home.. :P tmr got maths...hopefully i'll score very well to bring my B grade to an A... I'm just doing the impossible all the time.. :)Well then, wish me luck and do pray for me ya... Cioz

a vision...

I have been having this vision from God lately.And the thing is i just can't keep it to myself...It's as if God is telling me to stay in kuching next year to do his ministry.As in expand is church in a way getting ppl back to Christ and know Christ through music... Maybe tats the problem y i can't sleep.... The thing is i have a wide view of wat to do.... Worship sessions,bringing back SHCF to life.... teaching new christian songs,learning more instruments,composing songs.... Expand the worship session to other frens out from church those kinda things.... The thing i c is having a worship session where everyone is like totally into God and into the praising session... I suppose this is wat i've always wanted to do for ages.. :) All i need to do know is talk to my parents and Sunny Hill school about theis SHCF.... I really wanna do something for God.... My big dream is to do big worship sessions like other churches or overseas where booking a stadium is needed and orchestra and choirs are needed.That would totally be super cool and great and grand... I jut wanna do my part in the christian society.That's all.... Maybe this is just a dream or something.Maybe it's because I'm too stress to be thinking too much... but i won't know whether it would deffinately happen or be agreed unless i try and ask right???

another suicide?

ok...so whats with the male gender these days...? There was just news last week on sunday about this guy who was murdered next door the place which i am staying.1st it was at the place and block I'm stayin now.NOw it's the next building...The thing is both tat died are guys...Whats it with the male gender these days anyways....They say this fella was shot then pushed off the building where his body fell into the pool....*lol* I suppose no 1 would be swimming in the pool now.... :) Well then, the scary thing is that me and a fren wa there eating dinner during the time the whole thing happened...We didn't hear anything bout it till a few days later...Darn freeky can't to think of it.anyway now we can't eat at that place cause it's close due to some investigation.Even so i don't think i'll be eating there anymore....Don't know any other info but tats about wat I've heard so far la....
Well then enough of all the tory and news... now about me...!!!! :D
Today just sat for my 2nd paper....I'm so darn happy...heheheh... :) the thing is I'm so darn confident that I'll do very well in the practical though i won't be able to get full mark for it... :) Well then, the night before I was panic-kin for God know how terribly...Couldn't sleep for the pass week... That worried me cause normally wen i don't have enough sleep then I'll do badly for my paper and i'll go blank no matter how long or how much i studied.Every night I'll be lying in bed staring at the air and wonderin wat wud happen to me next...I'd be in bed for an hour or so before i can actually sleep.Even though I'm darn tired.Then the next day for some reason which I do not know, I'd be waking up 7 or 8 o'clock...sometimes I'd force myself to sleep longer till 9.This is to ensure i have enough sleep.Or so i try.... *sigh* But then thank God todays practical went well... I wasn't 'shivering' while doin it... i tremendously thank God for that....
2 papers down and 9 more to go... Can't wait till it's all over.... Am going home next week to chill...I really can't stand the pressure here... I won't be studying much tonight but will still be doin some study.... Fren thinks I'm crazy to be doin mathes like crazy... ;p well then.... gotta go get some rest before i get back to my countings... :)

This world is not my own

HOw many time have i been hurt..
how many times have i wonder...
how many times i keep my stand,
my word,my courage and my pride.

Why's the world s it is now,
why so many evil around,
why lie, why pretend....
why me oh yes...
y me....

A world my own...
a wonderful world,
a place with happiness,
a place where i can play a role,
a place where i can really show,
a place which i can be confident,
a place where i can find peace,
a place with no pain;
but full of love,trust and pride.

My mind is a wide place,
for love,for freedom,for enjoyment.
ppl there i trust,ppl there i meet,
ppl there whom i love and
ppl there whom i truely care.

Dreams may not seem true;
but to me it's truely a real thing,
a true thing which happens in my daily life.
I talent, a curse wat may it be
i still am clueless of it....

some may think i'm wierd,
some cool if not crazy,fun or boring.
Wats the real reason for things.
Izit coz I come from a well to do family?
Izit coz of my looks?
Izit coz they can get things outta me?
Izit coz of my outside appearence instead of the inside?

The world is full of sin,
of hatred,sadness,pain and suffering.
I care for those sufferin.
I help those who r in need.
I give a hand and share my happiness,
to those to whom i think I can cheer them out.

Love..
a strong word but at times used in a wrong way.
wat izit actually?
or rather wats wrong with me!
I do have love in me.
but i love everyone around me juz the same,
I care and feel their sadness though it's not said.

Turst...
something at which i have a problem.
ppl hurt me,ppl use me,
my childhood nightmares never seem to ware off.
But there r ppl whom i turst,
it is indeed possible for me to trust again
after a long time of suffering.
I wanna trust those whom help me,
whom care for me,
whom r themselves,
whom r open up n r juz true to me.
it may seem hard but i indeed know
whom to trust and whom not to.
I've grown wiser,
courages,open up more,
understanding more
and accepting ppl for who they are no matter wat.