A day of fun and happiness

Yeah rite.As if...As if things like tat happens.To me it's a fairytale.Or rather wen ur talking about my life...

Talk about a day where nothing turns out right.
I woke up this morning feeling horrible already.Had to wake up early coz had to be at work by 8am.And it's the invigilating thingy at the same college.I had my breakfast and left the house 30min before 8am.Thinking tat everything would be ok.Kinda excited seeing my frens again from before raya.... But wen i left the house,it started raining and heavily.Sucky....
Reached the college feeling tat nothing could ever ruin my day.Walk into the entrance confidently finally falling flat on my face.. Ok.Tat didn't really happen.I din fall.But i felt like an idiot waitint at the ground floor all by myself."Were r those ppl?", i thought... Finally everyone came.Cheif supervisor already had tis look as if i did sumthing terribly wrong.In fact I felt like I killed her cat or stole her money or sumthing... To make things worse she made it seem like everything i did IS wrong.And during lunch she scolded me for sumthing i didn't do.Felt like kicking her at the stomach...(btw,she's FAT).... Felt like screaming.Felt like punching sumthing but i held my anger.Was so angry wduring lunch while eating i accidentally bit my mouth....Tat made me feel worse.Wasn't suppose to burst out telling anyone how i felt but ended up telling my frens there...
To make today even worse, we had to take out the staples frm ALL the answer booklet.Now my fingers hurt.
My school mates who were sitting for exam juz now didn't recognize me.Which made me feel like a nobody again(the same feeling i had wen i was in high school)....
Ended up hungry...dunno y considering i ate quite a bit during lunch.Or maybe it's coz i was too pissed.Came home hungry and hoping sumone wud make me feel better or at least not make me feel any worse.But things did get worse... I'm not gonna go into detail but ya, i did feel worse.
*sigh*
I think i'll be switching off my mobile for the next few days... U never know I may have another unlucky day wen my mobile suddenly started ringing during the exam period.Oh wells,.... all i can say now is...
SHIITTT!!
and
AAARRRGGHHHH!!!

Sickly feeling....

I woke up this morning smelling a burning smell...And no my house wasn't on fire.It seems tat my stupid neighbour was burning and so early in the morning too.And it was 8am.... It made me frustrated.Y?my breathing and cough worsen and i felt more weak...
I'm trying to recover from my bronchitis but there are always these kinda conditions tat bring me bck to my horrible condition.1st it was the dust(they were renovating),then it's the bunch of frens my frens brought along wen we went out,not forgetting those stupid parents and patients waiting outside my house leaving their car on.... now my neighbour is burning.And it's not only them.A whole bunch of other ppl in my neighbourhood seem to be burning quite alot.
Not only that... I seem to have lost appetite.The moment i smell or see food i feel like vomitting.But i do eat.I'll have to force myself to eat all the time.If not I won't be able to servive.But seriously.Even drinking water sumtimes....I feel like I'm drinking drain water.... The taste is the same and everything but my body can't seem to take it in.Not to mention I seem to also get dehydrated quite fast.Now wats wrong with me.I don't think anything is wrong wif me.Other then my stupid bronchitis...
Telling my dad?Tried tat.Said I'm stress.... -_-!!! Like duh... Being at home IS stressful...
Next week supervising again... A whole week... *sigh* wonder if my frens would be there... I'll have to wake up early again and go home late.... hmmm... But suppose for the cash... I'll juz go through it smiling.... =D
*think cash......think cash*
lol...

Feeling down to the ground...

Have u ever awaken in the morning feeling juz horrible?And the thing is you can't just sleep off tat feeling.I've been having tis feeling again for the pass few days.It's like I don't wanna go out yet i wanna go out.I don't wanna talk yet I wanna talk.I don't wanna see anyone yet i wanna see somebody.I wanna cheer up yet i don't wanna cheer up.I wanna think positive yet i don't wanna think positive... etc... U get the rest.....
Dunno wat to do with myself.Quite confused with everything.
The whole year I've been here not many ppl actually came to me asking for help or watever.Only wen I'm leaving then ppl come up to me asking for help for next year.Makes me wanna scream at times at i just smile at them telling them that it's not possible....
Am just hoping I'll wake up the next morning feeling better....

Jessie Chung=Jeffrey Chung

Tat's like the everyday topic.Every day the papers mention about tis particular person.(dunno whether to call it a she or a he)...
yup.. *ahem*
Anyways... This guy is like the 1st Malaysian to ever undergo extreme sex change.Kinda disgusting can't to think of it but wat the heck.Since he's filthy rich n it's his business then watever la.But actually now he's kinda pretty.Not bad la... But his husband kinda errr.... not as good looking as him la... Jessie or rather Jeffrey was frm Sunny Hill school before,i think if i not mistaken la.Hmmm... Anyhows....
Kinda sick of the topic but it's like on the papers every day... Not to mention tat he's my cousin's classmate and was student of my uncle before.Hmmm.... Can't imagine having needles poked into my body and taking a very high amount of chemicals juz to change who u are.I mean we cud accept the way we are and wat we are no matter how much we hate it rite?I know i may not like the way i look and stuff but i din do anything like ruining my face and stuff rite?
hmmm... I suppose i have nothing else to say about this whole sex change thingy.... They wanna do it then let them do it.If got problem with the government or their marriage being recognize but not my problem wat....

It's over...

The last minute cramming,.... the frustration..... the questionable notes.... It's finally over...
It was ok i suppose.I didn't know the whole exam was 3hours so i juz took my sweet time.Even so i still finished by 2hours.Y r exams given longer hours to finish?During a-levels everything was a rush.We never had enough time to finish.Now is it's like all the exams i sit for or invigilate for are longer hours.Abit weird.
Any how last night I realized I never went through 1topic.The secondary-seventh topic.Didn't realize i missed the entire chapter.Thank goodness i knew how to do tat part.All i can say is I'd definately pass...Hopefully a merit.There are like 5 questions for each grade where each question carries 20marks.Hopefully no mistakes for the ones I'm confident on.Hoepefully i'd be all well...
For now I'm not gonna touch any music theory book until i know my theory exam.I hate to know the mistakes I've made and thinking about it for ages until results are out.
Now last thing is last...
Singing exam.......

frustration, i feel

Can't shake tat feeling outta myself.Not only tat but i feel helpless too...
I suppose I'm thinking too much or rather hiding my true self and my feelings frm almost everyone.Sometimes i wanna say something but end up not doing so.Sometimes I feel like doing something but end up doing something else.Not to mention i've not exactly been feeling myself.Always seem to feel dizzy and some sorta sickness... Maybe it's stress or maybe my immunity is juz low but tat's how it is.No use telling my dad coz tat wud make me feel even worse.And considerin i hate taking medications.
Wat can i say.... Tat's me...
Oh ya,I've talked to E about doing a solo part.Some how i have a feeling I'll be doing the narrator's part as usual.Some how it's like I'm the only female in church tat knows how to read properly... -_-!!! But tats how it is... We'll juz have to see wat happens...I know I'll be doing sum part in the cantata but i juz dunno wat.
Now it's lunch then bck to study.Got music theory exam tmr.Hopefully all will go well...

driving me mad!!!

Wat is?
My neighbour tat's wat... Y? Because of their renovation they have been having.It's totally driving me mad... The noise always starts from 8am until 5pm.I can't do anything at home.I can't study coz of the unending noise.Not to mention my siblings are practising(so-called) where they keep playing the same mistake over and over again.It's making me sick juz listening to the song.I can't study,I've no mood to practise and i can't go out.Exam is this monday and I've worried sick.Dunno wat to do.
--violence is not an option--
I keep telling myself tat though I keep imagining myself being really really violent.
*SLAP**SLAP*
ok ok... I'll stop with all the excessive thinking... ;p
I juz can't wait to get outta here and explore the world...
hmmm....

Where's the life?

It's been ages since i was on again.Merely coz my computer had a bug so cudn't check mail,chat or blog... Lotsa things has been happening since i blogged...
Am so busy I get juz so tired wif doing sumthing tats part of my life:music... I seem to lose my spark.I can't seem to find the matches or lighter to light up myself but at other times (which doesn't really happen tat often) I'm juz happy....
Nothing can be said much.I'll be having my music theory exam tis monday and m kinda nervous coz i knoe tat I'm juz not prepared.I can pass but dunno bout the marks i'd get.I'd like it if i get distinction but wat can i say.We'll juz have to wait and see.
I'm bck in the youth choir.Mainly coz I wanna do christmas caroling.Tat's my favourite season---->> CHRISTMAS... woohhoo!!!! ;p
The choir wud be doing a christmas cantata before the caroling period.Am thinking of going to Eugene and ask whether he cud give me a solo part.I'm tired of waiting for ppl to cum up to me to do a solo part.I juz wanna finish tis year wif sumthing I'm proud of doing.Hopefully I get the guts to ask n hopefully there's a part for me... ;p
Teaching Chai Har violin again and will be at Ayer Manis tis sabbath to do puppet show.Not to mention I've quit my jazz orchestra coz of sum stuff which gotta do wif my bos...Might be also conducting 1 of the choirs here in Kuching but for free.Depends on whether they wanna take a young gal like me... =)
Not to mention there are alot of ppl thinking tat I'm in the middle 20s.Makes me feel old in a way... lol... I think it's coz of my hair cut... ;p izit? =s dunno la.Sum ppl say it's my looks,others say it's how i act or bring myself up.Anyhows watever it is i still think I'm the same old me or rather the sadder version...