Annoying!!!

ARRGGHHH!!!!
I juz can't stand it.It's happening again.Watever i wanna do ends up not happening.Watever i dream ends up not coming true.Watever my heart longs for it will never receive... I wanna scream rite now.I really do.
Why?
As sum of you may know i wanna do contemporary music and i wanna do it in Berklee.The only problem is my parents never agree wif my dream,my future,my life.Parents have been telling ppl tat i'll be going to Australia to study.I juz feel like crying everytime i think about it.Why can't they see wat i want for my life?Why can't they let me decide my own future?Why can't they juz support me?All my life I've never gotten any moral support from them and tat juz hurts my heart real bad.I wanna go Berklee.I really do but i suppose I'll never be able too.Maybe I'll study in Australia then go study in Berklee but tat means i'll be studying for 10years.I juz can't imagine life rite now.I can't seem to see my future being happy.I thought I had it all planned out.I thought nothing could get in the way of my dream.I thought I had it all but AGAIN I'm ever so wrong.
I really dunno wat to do.Part of me wishes i never told them i was accepted into Aust.The other part of me wished i never was ever born.But yet I'm still alive and sane.Wat am i suppose to think?Wat am i suppose to look forward too?There's basically nothing to look forward too when ur parents juz ruining your future and your plans.Tat's the only thing tat is in the way of my life and happiness;my parents....

My beautiful hair

*sniff* *sniff*
*sob* *sob* *sob*
Went to high light my hair yesterday and it turned into a night mare.... The lady said she'd die it brown and red.I was thinkin ;tat's a good colour.. to find out tat the brown is actually blonde and the red bright red... I was so shocked i actually cried.I told her tat it's too bright but she didn't bother.Not to mention instead of having 2 colours,she coloured the same colour over the other.Now how wud you consider tat as 2 colours.Now my hair looks horrible.Even mum says so.Mum complained tat finally she dyed over with black colour.I was so upset tat I'm not ever gonna do my hair in Kuching ever again.Be it washing or dye or cut... No way am i gonna do my hair here... I'm so dissapointed wif my hair rite now i dunno wat to do.Don't think anyone tat looks at me now likes my hair too.. ='(
*sob* *sob*
can't wait till my hair grows again....

Another day and it's getting boring

Another day and it seems to get boring.Y? Coz my frens seem to be talking the same thing over and over again.About relationship and stuff...About having crushes and frens... Cudn't they talk about sumthing else? S keeps coming to me talking to me and telling me about the 3gals he likes in the exam room.He msged 1 only.All 3 are chinese gals.Most the time i feel like rolling my eyes and screaming but instead i smile or juz giggle away.Sumtimes it's funny can't to think of it but it can be rather tryin hearing it.He seems to talk to me most about those gals.Guys oways do tat which can be annoying.Can't they see I'm in no mood to hear or be in a relationship?Now S wants me to teach him how to speak mandarine.His pronounsing is really funny but wat else can i do.He's my fren.
Been falling asleep on the job.Last nite had diarrhoea so din get much sleep.I think it's frm the cafeteria food coz G oso had diarrhoea.Wat the heck.... Then 1 of the students ask me where I'm frm and wat i do.I tot he had a problem wif the question paper or sum sort.I hardly answered his question.Typical me... ;p Then met 1 of my high school english teacher but as usual she didn't recognize me or my name.There r juz too many Lorraine's in my year and I was the least famous 1 so tats tat...
Then my schedule tomorro has been extended till evening instead of ending by noon.Din wanna continue but since there wud be extra cash(or so i think there is) so i agreed....

Test papers

3rd day of invigilating.... Found out alot of things... Today's the 4th.Later will find out more... ;p
There r 8 invigilators(R,S,M,F,J,G and me) all together plus 1 chief invigilator(B).Interesting ppl.1st day we hardly talked.After the 2nd day it's laughter for us all the time wen... Made me miss hanging out wif frens... ;) The 1 thing tat really made me happy tis week was tat they considered me as their age.Actually they thought i was middle 20 and S thought he was the youngest(23)... Lol... In a way I felt honoured being thought as an adult but on the other hand....
J kept on putting the point to everyone(invigilators) tat I act so mature yet m still only 20.Kinda irretating but wat can i say....
Besides all tat I actually noticed tat the test papers were like extremely easy.Can't imagine any other easier question.Or mayb it's juz me...Coz tats wat i realize.Dunno bout marketing and IT la.But mathes was like super easy.Though they did sum of the topics i never touched(easier ones) and their paper was 3 hours while we had it for 2hours 15min..The students even had time to write their paper in pencil then erase and write them in pen and sum of them writes quite slowly.I juz cudn't imagine my eyes.But like wat my fren says "it's foundation course .... except A-levels...." Even the english was peanuts.And there r students tat juz cudn't do the question.Sum juz slept the whole paper till they cud leave.Crazy but there... Ah wells tats about the test paper.Will find out more today... ;)

Tiring day

Today was really a mixed feeling.Had to wake up at 6am to get ready for my ever boring work--invigilating.
1st i nearly met an accident juz outside my house where the stupid car(kancil) suddenly speeded behind me.Then I was sorta late ;p The morning was normal.Din realize time pass so fast.Wen home feeling hungry at 1130am.Ate and left for work again at 130pm.Met my juniors sitting for exams and my ex teacher who is now at the administration office.During the exam my phone rang which was really embarrassing finding out tat it's a call frm IDP(Australian agent).It really caught my curiousity running.So i called them finding out tat I've been accepted into Melbourne U.Tat made my day coz then my parens won't be able to say tat I'm lousy... ;p hehe... Anyways,the whole afternoon was rather draggy.Felt my feet killing me like as if I've been shopping the whole day.I was wearing heels so suffered the effect of it.So my feet killing me,yawning the whole afternoon,nearly fell and triped frm my heels and was dead tired n bored.Finally the 1st day is over.Tomorro I'm definately gonna wear flats... :p
Overall it's kinda funny invigilating the whole time.U see alot of ppl wif different character and it's rather interesting.I find myself figuring out half the students.I like doing tat.Looking at a person and figuring them out.Their attitude n character.It's interesting and i always end up thinking rightly about them... ;p There were students tat had everything pink(gals).Frm liquid paper to comb-ruler(2-in-1) to botol,jewels n nails.Then i notice tat 9/10 guys tend to have smaller bladders.Always go toilet....Funny to see my co-workers getting frustrated in always going to the toilet.. really funny... heheh...
Anyways got 4 more days to go.Can't wait till it's over coz it's darn tiring and I haven played music yet... =(

Work

Would u rather get money by doing nothing or sumthing?Meaning work... I'll be full swing working next week.Will be invigilating an exam morning till evening.Tat means i'll have to wake up super early n cum home late.The whole working thing is ok but the fact tat we are not allowed to read a book,play wif our mobiles,talk or anything for tat matter.How can i sit in a hall doing nothing but walk arounf the whole 2-3 hours per session?It's really killing isn't it?Getting money is 1 thing but I'd rather work hard then walk around doing nothing... Dunno how I'd get through the whole of next week.That means no more time to practise,sing,study my music theory,play wif my dog or nap or anything.Won't even have time to exercise for tat matter... Oh wells.... Wen there's money involve i suppose anything's possible rite... ;p But wish I cud do sumthing like write sumthing or wateva.At 1st I wanted to pull out but since I've already gone to the briefin i mite as well continue rite?

Musical isn't it?

Mum was talking about next year's plan for her choir.Problem?.... is tat I can't be 1 of the main characters of the whole show.The choir wud b yet have another operetta but tis time 2 for next year.1 in April n 1 in October.Sumtimes i feel like saying i wanna play 1 of the main characters singing my heart out n showing ppl wat i can actually really do but part of me knows tat it wud totally be impossible.I'd definately be pushed to the orchestra part though i knoe i'd be playing 1 of the main instruments.The fact tat I want to be up front as I've always dream off.Acting and singing in a musical stage.But tat wud juz be a dream rite now.All i can do is *sigh* Even if i wud be in Kuching next year there's no chance for me.Y? If i would take up a role in tat musical play then ppl wud be saying my mum being unfair.This has happened wen I was performing solo parts on my clarinet for saroling to fill in the spaces so tat the members cud take a break.But in this world there r juz ppl wif complains n fingers pointing to other ppl.N I'm including myself in tat category.
All i can do is either keep dreaming or try reaching to my dream.... Hopefully I'd end up in my dream instead of juz dreaming it....

Death

I woke up tis morning to find the news of the death of our Prime Minister's wife who died of cancer.At times I'd really feel n wished it wud have been me instead of her but now i feel more of tat it's ment to be.Death,sumthing which i have been longing quite long but nvr seems to happen.I don't believe in suicide coz it's stupid but wishing for it is another thing.
I used to think wen young tat ppl r ment to die.Tat would make space for babies to be born.Tat was juz to calm myself down coz every time after a death be it sumone i know o not i'd juz stay quiet the whole day staring into space wif emptiness....
At the mean time on the other side of the channel,I'm on the verge of getting or rather making my parens let me study in kl n gettin a a laptop n car.But the main n 1st thing is making them agree to sen me to kl.Hopefully everything wud work out well...
Btw,I found out tat those bites i was complaining about were in fact mozzies.or so i think it is.I had a few visitors buzzing in my ear last nite i had to put mozzy oil on myself to keep them away frm me.Darn mozzies....

Attack of the insects

After editting my whole blog,I seem to have a problem viewing my blog after editting my whole blog.
Oh wells,... I've been attacked by insects for this whole week.Wonder y?It's definately not mosquitos coz mozzy bites don't look like tat... Both my bottom half of my legs r left wif red itchy spots.Not to mention my left jaw has 2 itchy spots tat looks like mozzy bites.It's irritating coz it's both itchy n can be painful.N i don't think it's malaria o denggi mozzies.I've applied alot of creams n stuff but it's still itchy n annoying...
AARRRGGHHH!!!
Can't stand the itchiness....

Life's like tat

Haven written along time.Maybe it's coz i juz don't have the mood these days.Seems like I've lost myself.I'm more confused as ever.Uncertain too.But tats life.
I've received a phone call from ICOM(International College of Music) frm kl.As some of you don't know,I've actually applied for kl.They called me wen I was watchin movie wif jess n Leatrice.It was kinda supricin considerin it's off office hours.But I wasn't suprice tat I'd get accepted.It is easy to get into there but it's my 1 way ticket to Berklee which is where i wanna go.I wanna do comtemporary music instead of the same classic music most ppl r doin.I wanna create music instead of playing sum dead ppl's music.I wanna be in my own creation of music instead of being tied down to sumthing else.
I haven heard from Aussie yet but my mind is settled.I wanna go ICOM.The only problem now is convincin my parens in letting me go there,get a laptop(assignment reasons) n a car(to get around there).Yes a car!! Reason is coz the only closes eatin place is Mc D.I'm not gonna eat tat every meal.It's sickening.N not healthy.The school itself maybe quite sad but I'm ok wif it.As long as I'm doin music n doin the kinda music I wanna do.It would be kinda hard in getting my parens go kl but I'm willing to go there in spite frm all the "I'm nvr gonna study music locally..." heheh ;p I can't say I wanna learn contemporary music instead of classic coz tats juz gonna be a no no wif my parens so I'm juz putting around other reasons.Hopefully they will help me out... =D

exercise

Sumthing which i have been doing for months now.Jog 3-4 times a week wif my doggy,Diana(the white cute but old dog)... Anyways,sum ppl mite think it's dangerous n boring to jog but I find it fun.Sure my dog doesn't talk human language n stuff but we have a lot of fun.. =) Normally I'll start off by walking then jog n finish it off wif a run.The ending part is the funnest part.Hehe.... Coz tats the part where I race wif D or rather she races wif me n the dirty tricks she has been playing these few times to beat me... =)
Well anyways,I suppose it's kinda silly mentioning it but juz had to write sumthing ;p

And behold....$$$....

As the title says... heheh...
I was juz complainin and thinking ways on earning and saving as much money as possible for my own future,i seem to be getting quite alot of it this week.As sum of u may knoe I teach music and do have my own clarinet student.So tat's RM80 per month.Then there's the SONS(Sarawak Orchestra Negeri Sarawak) which is RM15 every practise and i go 3 times a week so it's roughly RM180 per month.Tat's if i do go for practises.Then there's my mum she was in a good mood wen i was teaching 1 of her students tis week.She payed me wat her student payed her tat day so tats extra money.. ;p Then a few nights ago I juz suddenly took out 1 of my music reading books to find a few hundred ringgits in there... It's like money appearing in front of me this whole week... hehe... So i suppose i sud stop complaining.And those money r not ment to be spent yet so don't cum to me to 'belanja'... =)
So things r turning around if I'm very patient(which i'm not).... Though things turn around for the better slower then it turning bad.....
Oh well.........

Sentimental Journey

Sentimental as it is I wonder how the grass is at the other side of the river.I find myself looking forward to next year.Looking forward in studyin music and soon improvisation which would be so darn cool.
But on the other hand I find myself slipped frm God.Oh how sick i feel wen ppl talk about christianity n God.Oh how i roll my eyes seeing 'christians' talk about the bible n the ways of christians.It's not like i don't believe it.I do believe.It's juz tat I see fake ppl everywhere.N tat gives me a huge impression.
I get so tired wif life n my everyday routine tat I nearly met wif an accident juz now.Was actually half asleep.Thank goodness i realized in time to avoid hitting a car or the tree.Now tat was really scary.
I get so sick wif life I juz can't wait to leave Kuching.And wen i do I don't really intend to cum bck.Only during music festivals n maybe to get food from home... ;p But other then tat there's no reason to cum home at all....